Bizarre-D12; "Fight Music"

You know why my hands are so numb? (No?), Cause my grandmother sucked my dick and I didn't cum

There is really no explanation for how this should ever be brought up or spoken to anyone ever anywhere.....not that it matters anymore but this wouldn't make your hands numb, so take off your steak showercap and stop rapping.

File Under: Did he just really say that!!??

Post #21

Ridiculous Rap Chain Of The Week

So this is some random guy named Skool Boy, yah I know what your thinking you've never heard of him either.....well now at least you know something about him, it's just too bad that all you now know is he really enjoys his Frosted Flakes

This is the only song I could find by him, notice he also has a Captain Crunch cereal box chain so at least he mixes it up a little bit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ikKAkemlB0&feature=related

Post #20

T-Pain; "I'm a Flirt"

Turns out I had to show you guys 2 photos of T-Pain

That's why they call me Teddy-bend-her-ass-down

I guarantee no one has ever called you this and no one will ever call you this...this is exactly why self-appointed nicknames will never work

File Under: Terrible with names, Terrible with picking outfits

Post #19

DJ Gallo- Worst Athlete's Lyrics

As a fan of sports and rap I had to post this; DJ Gallo (a writer from ESPN) just put this up and it chronicles some of the worst word vomit I've ever seen. I could fill about 40 posts from these alone but it's easier and more entertaining to just read them all at once.

Post #18

A Tribe Called Quest; "Scenario"

Bust a nut inside your eye, to show you where I come from

I don't think semen is different where you come from so if you could just even tell us straight up where your from or ANY other option thatd be preferred

File Under: Didn't pass third grade geography or anatomy

Post #17

Juvenile; "Slow Motion"

You Must've heard about them hoes that I beat up in my house

Well before the song I had not, but now that you have let me in on your little secret and told everyone I think that the police will finally be wrapping up that assault case they have been looking into.

File Under: Best informant ever, do not tell Juvenile your secrets

Post #16

Hurricane Chris; "Hand Clap"

They lookin at me crazy cuz I bounce around the club n' I keep clappin my hands like im tryna kill a bug

File Under: Tourettes?

Post #15

Nelly; "Na-NaNa-Na"

Sex in the country, you know sex in the Zoo di-rectly behind the monkeys

Monkeys do not live in the country nor is there a zoo in the country but the fact is that there is not a less romantic place to take a girl than directly behind the monkeys. The only time that you should ever try to have sex with a girl behind the monkeys is......oh wait that should never happen or be an option

File Under: Dirtiest place ever to have sex, Least Romantic date ever

Post #14

Eminem; "My Name Is"

Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up, Flashed the bartender, and stuck my dick in the tip cup

Why are you walking around with only a coat on and nothing else??? And unless that bartender did something to you, your dick is a terrible tip to leave since I assume you will be taking it with you when you get hauled away by the police. Oh and by the way the only people who should ever be naked in strip clubs are the strippers.

File Under: Being a complete dick, Needs to go clothes shopping, Learn how to properly tip

Post #13

Petey Pablo; "Jam Y'all"

These girls scandalous, got holes in they panties,
Got big behinds like Frankenstein,
Breathe smell just as shitty,
And meatballs on they titty,
And scrambled eggs down 'tween they legs.

What kind of ridiculous standards does this guy have for the girls he hangs out with? If I met a girl at a party who had holes in her panties, meatballs on her titties, and breath like Frankenstein I would start to question the type of parties I was going to.

File Under: Worst Standards Ever, Attracted to Frankenstein's Ass

Post #12

Plies; "Bust it Baby Pt 2"

But while she sleep I sneak in and put hickies on her neck

So basically you are breaking into people's houses to suck on their neck and then leave, I thought that only happened in Vampire movies??? You are on the fast track to a stalking/rape/breaking and entering charge so don't rap about this. Also it is clearly obvious you have the mask for breaking and entering but you may want to lose the 75 lbs. of jewelry the clanging from that will wake people up.

File Under: So Creepy, Going to Jail, Vampires

Post #11

R. Kelly; "I'm in Love With a Stripper, (remix)"

I wanna stick it wanna kiss it, if I could I'd put my whole damn head in it

Well yah, I get the first two parts and thats fine but what happened between kissing it and putting your head in it? That is A) absolutely gross, B) would you even want to continue hooking up with this girl because no one on earth will.

Here's a tip, if you "could" do it, you should probably stop and just drive home, trust me that's not something you even want to get involved with.

File Under: Being extremely weird in bed, Never going to have a second date

Post #10

Cam'ron; "Suck it or Not"

You won't hear words like marry me, the only thing you gonna hear is suck it or not

I got something for your face fuck proactive

I know it's white but here comes the hotsauce

Would you like a tissue, you gonna need it for the cum in your nose cause your suckin my cock

I'm pretty sure any girl who goes out with Cam'ron is going to pick the second option and continually say "not". And the chances of any date Cam'ron actually goes on lasting more than 30 minutes is probably zero, especially once Cam'ron tells a "funny" story about hotsauce, tells his date about this new facewash or offers a kleenex to his date on the ride to dinner with a wink.

File Under: Worst date ever, Being too Forward

Post #9

Jay-Z; "Big Pimpin"

I got no patience, and I hate waiting

Thank you for clarifying what you meant by no patience, the repitition is so unnecessary in this lyric. It's the same as John Wayne Gacy saying "I'm a murderer, and I kill people" or someone saying "My job is a pilot, oh and I fly planes."

File Under: Unnecessary Repitition, No example needed

Post #8

DJ Khaled; "Standing on the Mountain Top"

Turn your TV on I bet all you see is me

The new richest man in the world after leaving the Casino "I can't believe the odds were really 1-1 that DJ Khaled is on every channel and 10,000-1 that he wouldn't be"

In fact if DJ Khaled is even on 1 channel when I turn my TV on I am usually suprised and Tivo it since it may never happen again, but I also mute it because all he does is yell the same 3 words.

W_ , T_E, _ES_........see if you can guess the blanks.

File Under: Worst bookie ever, completely false statement

Post #7

Notorious B.I.G; "Me & My Bitch"

When I met you I admit my first thought was a trip,

ya look so good I'd suck on your daddy's dick

No one has ever gone on a date and the first thought that enters their mind is sucking their date's fathers dick....EVER. This fantasy does not increase regardless of how good the woman looks in fact the better the woman looks the less you should be thinking about old men's genitals.

File Under: Extremely Gay, Likely to leave dinner early to get home to see your dates Dad, Worst Date Ever

Post #6

Young Jeezy; "I'm so Paid (Remix)"

She said Young why ya voice so hoarse

I just sound like money baby I shoulda been a Porsche (Vrooom)

You cannot sound like money because it does not make a sound, and if it did that sound would not be hoarse. Also you could never be a Porsche because that is a car and you are a person and clearly you never got the memo that Transformers was a movie. The entire analogy is turrible, like saying you should be a DVD player because your voice is raspy and you sound like a bag of pencils.

File Under: Turrible analogy, no common sense

Post #5

Mystikal; "Here I Go"

My lifestyle is rural, I'll hit on your poodle.

Not only do you not speak for the rural community but in a list of things you shouldn't be hitting on a poodle is found near the top, between plastic palm trees and your own reflection in the mirror.

File Under: Shouldn't Have Pets, Needs the Sex Talk

Post #4

DJ Quik; "Dollaz +Sense"

Now, I never had my dick sucked by a man befo'

but you gone be the first, you little trick-ass ho,

then you can tell me just how it taste

Calling a man a trick-ass ho does not make him a woman, it still makes him a man and he still has a dick and that still makes you and this lyric extremely gay. Then not only that but your pillow talk afterwards is enough to make Perez Hilton vomit.

File Under: Extremely gay, a trick-ass man is still a man

Post #3

Rick Ross; "I'm Only Human"

Never knew chocolate milk make you fart real bad (Naw!)

This is more childish than anything a 3rd grader could even think of saying, not only is this beyond childish it is simply not true.

Filed Under: So childish, making the Nesquik bunny look bad

Post #2

Mase; "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down"

We spend cheese, in the West Indies
Then come home to plenty cream Bentleys
You name it, I could claim it
Young, black, and famous, with money hangin out the anus

First of all no one in the West Indies barters with cheese, second of all your money that has skidmarks all over it will rarely be accepted anywhere, thirdly I never knew someone could do homoerotic things with dollar bills but thank you for assuring me they could Mase.

File Under: Doing gay things with money; making ridiculous statements

Post #1